I don't like storms. And I'm not just talking about the evening of tornado warnings we just went through (though thank you Lord for keeping all such storms far away from us)...but any kind of storm that brings lots of dampness to the air.
You see, it's 1:42 right now, and I really really really want to be asleep. I let myself get a little keyed up today about the approaching storm that "could produce super cells, dime to golf ball sized hail and winds in excess of 100 mph. Stay away from all windows" etc etc...Now the high winds by themselves weren't this issue, I have after all lived in NE MT and ND, where a 60 mph gust is common, and we had a storm once that technically covered the bases for a land hurricane. And we've had big hail before...last fall in ND there was some sort of record hail for the state down the county from us, it was nearly the size of a football. But I don't yet understand tornadoes....and things I do not understand make me wary. Things that I do not understand that can kill me make me ...keyed up.
Now Charles, el Padre, wasn't worried. His answer to all the darn storm alerts..."Don't worry about it Beth, God has plans and we're not going to die." He was, is, so certain of this...I just look at him...eyebrow raised, and then go look out the window...yet again.
He was right...obviously, we didn't die...or else a zombie is typing, but I'm not into the zombie sub culture or voodoo, so I doubt that's the case. He got home just about as the storm was headed our way....ominous grey wall of clouds, high winds...no hail. We had dinner, which I couldn't focus on eating, but he happily devoured. (It was rib eye steak, seared, sliced on the angle and arranged on a slice of French bread, topped with Bearnaise sauce, accompanied by skillet potatoes and broccoli florets.....I did eat all the broccoli, it was really comforting to me...for some reason though my very favorite steak was just not enough to hold my fretting at bay.) To distract me, he said, "Hey, let's run down to the store, you can happily pick out menu items (he knows my weakness for meandering produce and meat departments) and by the time you're done, the worst will be done." That worked, we made sure all the pets were secure and went....and when we came out it was pouring...I mean pouring rain, but the wall had passed by.
Now, this region is under a flash flood warning till 2 tonight...and when I heard that announcement at 3 pm, I was amused..."they know NOW that there will be flooding? How?" Well, in a half hour, coming out from the store to home, etc...we got close to 3"....We're on a hill...so flooding for us isn't too much of an issue, but I saw pics tonight that towns down hill from here were flooding, poor folks. I just hadn't realized how much rain can come down here this fast. A few hours after that we had a thunderstorm (with no tornado warnings) that gave us easily another inch and a half, or two. Now, looking out, I can see the moon peeking out of the clouds...
So it wasn't really that bad of an evening, for us...no storm damage, no danger...though folks down state from us were hit hard, and in isolated other areas there is damage to buildings, trees down, etc. Charles thought it was a pretty good evening, he got blackberry and strawberry shortcake (cause he was the calming influence in all this...)
It's odd, I wasn't worried at all about what would happen if a big storm hit, worst case would also be best case...if I died, I'm secure in Christ. All the same, I am enjoying the journey God has set me on, and I don't want to have to leave it yet.
But that's not why I am still up when I am so very very very tired. I am up because my foot is aching. Years ago I had an infection in the foot that weakened/in some areas destroyed the cartilage, and caused severe arthritis to set in. I remember one doctor, one of the two Dr. Skinners (I had two of them, not related, one worked at UCLA I believe, and the other Stanford) tell me at Shriners (I was there regularly as a kid) that I'd probably be in a wheelchair in my mid 20's from the pain. I'm past that quite a bit in age (add a decade) and if I'm walking any distance need a cane, but get around the house without one...and if it's a really nice day and the pain is.. manageable, I can do without one for longer. Anytime though there is a storm, the pain magnifies... significantly.
So I am up, and envying Charles his restful sleep. I've been trying a new topical pain gel for about a week, week and a half now, and it's taken the pain from a screaming 10 to about a 4 and a half, 5. Which, if you have chronic pain, you know is tremendous. It's from a local company here in OK, all natural ingredients...if you want more info on it, let me know, I'll give you the specifics. I am hoping that with a few more minutes of it setting in, I can go lay down.
It's funny...thinking about pain, illness. There are a good many Christians who hold onto that if you are ill, or are in pain, that it's all sin related. Your sin. I walked into a Church I used to attend once, and one of the elders looked at me (I had my cane) and he asked why I had it. I gave him the quick run down...and he said, with a baffled exclamation, "But you were too young to have done anything bad enough to deserve that." I looked at him strangely and said..."I didn't do anything...I was a kid, walking in sandals, and cut my foot near an area where there was staph." He was quite bothered by this, and couldn't wrap his mind around it. Another woman I knew in the church was told, by another elder, that if she were a better Christian she wouldn't get migraines. Now, she was the one who worked the food bank, did visitations, sat with the ill..and he was the one who liked to drive around town looking for Church members at bars, or at homes when he thought they shouldn't be there...you tell me who acted more like Christ wants us to.
Yes, some illness can be caused by your sin. And some sin is given to us so that we may turn to God in our weakness. I know in my ovarian cancer scare, God used that to witness to the doctor, and to show a miracle to Charles and I, to our family and friends. He also used that to draw us near to Him, for we felt we had no where else to turn. Sometimes too...illness happens because we live in a sin filled fallen world. We get sick because it is the nature of the fallen world that we should get ill. We get sick...just because. People who believe in God can get cancer, and Stalin can die peacefully in his bed. Sometimes that's just the way it goes.
I think sometimes God's people get ill and are not immediately healed (if ever) so that we learn compassion for the numerous others that suffer. And sometimes we get ill so that our souls are tempered and tried and purified by ordeal, God shapes us through them so we end up how He wants us to be.
But just a suggestion...don't ever be like the folks from that Church and suggest someone is ill because of what they did. Now, maybe they are, but you don't know...and you don't know how God is working in their lives, and to what purpose He will use that illness, or disability. Go with compassion...compassion and mercy won't lead you wrong.
Well....I think the pain has subsided enough I can sleep through it (I will forever have this stuff with me now!) and the winds are blowing across the house as if to tell a story to sleep by. So I wish you all well and pray that God ever holds you in His Hand, and knows you as one of His own.
