Father's Day approaches quickly (less than a day from now!) and I'm thinking about my Dad, many miles away in distance, but close in my heart. When I called to tell him earlier in the week we had mailed his gift and to be looking for it, he asked, "Are you in the box?" I wish I could have told him yes, it would be a treasure to spend Sunday with him. I comfort myself (and him) by remembering that I will be out there later this summer, and we can watch baseball games together, and BBQ, and listen to records. My Dad has a great record collection.
It is easy, most of the time, when you have great parents like I do, to follow the Biblical commandment of "Honor your Father and Mother," which appears not only in the 10 Commandments but many places within the Bible. From Exodus and Proverbs, The Gospels, Ephesians and Colossians the Bible is full of God's exhortations to honor our parents. That doesn't mean I haven't messed up (boy have I) but I do strive to show my parents respect, deference and love whenever possible. They're not perfect parents (but pretty close to it) and I am far from a perfect child; and I broke their hearts in one time period especially (there were mental health issues on my side, but that was no excuse) but over time, and with God's help, the relationship was restored, renewed and now seems to me stronger than ever. God can take a damaged relationship, re-forge it and turn it into something remarkable. What my parents and I have now is not only a parent-child relationship, but also one of fellow children of God; where we encourage one another in our missions, outreaches and prayers. We are also friends; outside of God and my husband, I have none closer.
The calls I make to my parents can last a half hour to two and a half hours; we discuss politics, gardening, church work, our animals, what to cook for dinner, the silly stuff one of us saw, sports news, books and tv shows. The little things that make up our days, in some ways not very important things, but in the long run those are the things that bind lives together. It is the intimate details of everyday life that weave together a rich tapestry. We maintain that tapestry, my parents and I, by talking as often as possible; that way we intertwine our lives.
This country used to have a time where families were that close normally; where you knew what someone's day entailed, but now families live further apart, children forget their elders in the haste of their own lives. It is as if a large segment of our country is living that song, "Cats in the cradle," where a father was too busy for his son, and when the father grew old, the son was too busy for him. Our elders too often are only remembered by token calls, cards and generic gifts; when most often what is wanted is time and thoughtfulness. Charles and I have seen so many seniors in nursing homes who are starved for attention from their families; it is heartbreaking.
But, you say, God doesn't expect me to chunk out large parts of my life to listen to my parents talk about the tv show they watched last night, or how the church social went, does He?
Yes. He does.
When God commanded (not suggested) us to "Honor your Father and Mother" (Exodus 20:12) I don't think He was saying it (or carving it into the stone tablet as it were) just to amuse Moses. "Hey, do you know what God said up on that mountain- He said we have to honor our parents- isn't that a hoot," was not what Moses relayed when he shared the news with the ancient Israelites. It was so important to God that Christ brings it up, Solomon teaches on it, Paul writes about it....it is mentioned over and over and over again. As if God knew it would be something He'd have to force-feed us by repetition. (For a list of verses, see the bottom)
Honoring means making time for. Honoring means putting them before yourself as best you can. Honoring means respecting their opinions. Honoring means treating with respect. Honoring means cherishing.
According to the thesaurus, honor has these synonyms: "esteem, respect, pay homage to, assigning value to." The Greek word translated "honor" in our English Bibles, timao, means "to prize, i.e. fix a valuation upon; by implication, to revere" (Strong's Concordance). Showing honor, then, means treating another respectfully because we value them highly.
What, you ask, does one do if your parents are abusive?
That is a question brought up because sadly, there are people who have failed at parenting. They have physically or emotionally abused their children. God does not expect you to have a close relationship with someone who harms you. He's God, He has your best interests at heart, and when you accept Christ, you become His adopted child.
That said, He does expect you to honor them. Even if honoring means, for your safety sake, you can't ever be in close contact. Honoring them then can be lifting them up in prayer regularly.
My Mother had a rough relationship with her Mom. My grandmother related to me on different occasions that she was not a good parent to my Mom. My Mother dealt with what I would consider emotional scarring and abuse. It would have been enough to drive any daughter away.
But instead of running away, my Mother honored. She prayed for her mother. She sent her cards on all holidays. She sent gifts; thoughtful ones she spent much time choosing. She called, even if it was to be dismissed. She honored. And in time, God answered prayers, and restored that relationship. My Grandmother (who was always kind to me) and my Mother visited, then visited more often. They talked, and healed. My Mother was told how much she was loved, and my Grandmother was able to treasure all the love my Mother had always held for her.
Not everyone will be given such healing, and not all scars can be healed. But love, honoring and prayer can do much.
My Dad taught me a lot about how to honor a parent as well. His Mother, Grandma S., lived in a town about 35, 40 minutes away. My parents both worked during the week, and my Dad was going back to school, but every Sunday afternoon, without fail, we went over. Dad would take his Mom, who didn't drive, shopping, and help her with her bills. He would fix little things around the house that needed it, and we would sit in her big living room and I learned about honoring through listening. She would tell stories of her youth, and we would listen. She would tell of a recipe, and we would listen. (OH, how I wish I had written that stuff down now!) She and Dad would walk the roads of her memories that she wanted to re-live, and then we would all enjoy a big dinner. (She *could* cook.) It was what we did, every Sunday afternoon, for years. It was honoring.
I also learned about honoring parents when I met and married my husband Charles, and saw him with his Mom, Ruth. Ruth lived with us for the first few years of our marriage. Charles had been the child of her older years, he was the baby- the darling of her eyes, and as old age made her feeble, he was the one who cared for her. Ruth was feisty and funny, and sometimes had a temper (she was Irish-American after all) and her son adored her. She would come in to tell him a bit she had learned on the History channel, and he always paused what he was doing to listen. Treats were always picked up at the store for her, jokes always thought up that she might enjoy. He honored her.
In this culture where honor is becoming outdated, where things have more value than people, who are you honoring? Who do you give your time to? You should honor God first and foremost, and your spouse who you are building a life with, if you have one. But make time to honor your parents, and all of your elder relatives. They still have stories to tell, wisdom to give, jokes to crack, and love in abundance. They should not be an afterthought, or a passing interest. God holds their place and value in the order of things quite highly (after all, He repeats over and over and over again- Honor your parents, and take care of the elderly)...and if He thinks it is so important, shouldn't it be important to you as well?
Bible Verses About Honoring Your Parents:
Exodus 20:12 --Honor your Father and Mother (The one in the 10 Commandments)
Ephesians 6:1 - 3; “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise, so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth”
Those who honor their parents are blessed (Jeremiah 35:18-19). Contrasting, those with a “depraved mind” and those who exhibit ungodliness in the last days are characterized by disobedience to parents (Romans 1:30; 2 Timothy 3:2).
Solomon, known for his wisdom, urged children to respect their parents (Proverbs 1:8; 13:1; 30:17). Although we may no longer be directly under their authority, we cannot outgrow God’s command to honor our parents.
Jesus, God the Son, submitted Himself to both His earthly parents (Luke 2:51) and His heavenly Father (Matthew 26:39). If we follow Christ's example as we are supposed to do, we should treat our parents the way we would reverentially approach our heavenly Father (Hebrews 12:9; Malachi 1:6).
Mark 7:6 is where Jesus calls the Pharisees for the hypocrisy of saying they honored their parents, but bending God's law so that they didn't really have to. God wants us to honor our parents with our words *and* our actions.
“Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord” (Colossians 3:20).
With thanks to the blogs found at the following links where I was able to get some fodder for thought:
http://www.cgg.org/index.cfm/fuseaction/Library.sr/CT/RA/k/164/A-Matter-of-Honor.htm
http://www.gotquestions.org/honor-father-mother.html
It is easy, most of the time, when you have great parents like I do, to follow the Biblical commandment of "Honor your Father and Mother," which appears not only in the 10 Commandments but many places within the Bible. From Exodus and Proverbs, The Gospels, Ephesians and Colossians the Bible is full of God's exhortations to honor our parents. That doesn't mean I haven't messed up (boy have I) but I do strive to show my parents respect, deference and love whenever possible. They're not perfect parents (but pretty close to it) and I am far from a perfect child; and I broke their hearts in one time period especially (there were mental health issues on my side, but that was no excuse) but over time, and with God's help, the relationship was restored, renewed and now seems to me stronger than ever. God can take a damaged relationship, re-forge it and turn it into something remarkable. What my parents and I have now is not only a parent-child relationship, but also one of fellow children of God; where we encourage one another in our missions, outreaches and prayers. We are also friends; outside of God and my husband, I have none closer.
The calls I make to my parents can last a half hour to two and a half hours; we discuss politics, gardening, church work, our animals, what to cook for dinner, the silly stuff one of us saw, sports news, books and tv shows. The little things that make up our days, in some ways not very important things, but in the long run those are the things that bind lives together. It is the intimate details of everyday life that weave together a rich tapestry. We maintain that tapestry, my parents and I, by talking as often as possible; that way we intertwine our lives.
This country used to have a time where families were that close normally; where you knew what someone's day entailed, but now families live further apart, children forget their elders in the haste of their own lives. It is as if a large segment of our country is living that song, "Cats in the cradle," where a father was too busy for his son, and when the father grew old, the son was too busy for him. Our elders too often are only remembered by token calls, cards and generic gifts; when most often what is wanted is time and thoughtfulness. Charles and I have seen so many seniors in nursing homes who are starved for attention from their families; it is heartbreaking.
But, you say, God doesn't expect me to chunk out large parts of my life to listen to my parents talk about the tv show they watched last night, or how the church social went, does He?
Yes. He does.
When God commanded (not suggested) us to "Honor your Father and Mother" (Exodus 20:12) I don't think He was saying it (or carving it into the stone tablet as it were) just to amuse Moses. "Hey, do you know what God said up on that mountain- He said we have to honor our parents- isn't that a hoot," was not what Moses relayed when he shared the news with the ancient Israelites. It was so important to God that Christ brings it up, Solomon teaches on it, Paul writes about it....it is mentioned over and over and over again. As if God knew it would be something He'd have to force-feed us by repetition. (For a list of verses, see the bottom)
Honoring means making time for. Honoring means putting them before yourself as best you can. Honoring means respecting their opinions. Honoring means treating with respect. Honoring means cherishing.
According to the thesaurus, honor has these synonyms: "esteem, respect, pay homage to, assigning value to." The Greek word translated "honor" in our English Bibles, timao, means "to prize, i.e. fix a valuation upon; by implication, to revere" (Strong's Concordance). Showing honor, then, means treating another respectfully because we value them highly.
What, you ask, does one do if your parents are abusive?
That is a question brought up because sadly, there are people who have failed at parenting. They have physically or emotionally abused their children. God does not expect you to have a close relationship with someone who harms you. He's God, He has your best interests at heart, and when you accept Christ, you become His adopted child.
That said, He does expect you to honor them. Even if honoring means, for your safety sake, you can't ever be in close contact. Honoring them then can be lifting them up in prayer regularly.
My Mother had a rough relationship with her Mom. My grandmother related to me on different occasions that she was not a good parent to my Mom. My Mother dealt with what I would consider emotional scarring and abuse. It would have been enough to drive any daughter away.
But instead of running away, my Mother honored. She prayed for her mother. She sent her cards on all holidays. She sent gifts; thoughtful ones she spent much time choosing. She called, even if it was to be dismissed. She honored. And in time, God answered prayers, and restored that relationship. My Grandmother (who was always kind to me) and my Mother visited, then visited more often. They talked, and healed. My Mother was told how much she was loved, and my Grandmother was able to treasure all the love my Mother had always held for her.
Not everyone will be given such healing, and not all scars can be healed. But love, honoring and prayer can do much.
My Dad taught me a lot about how to honor a parent as well. His Mother, Grandma S., lived in a town about 35, 40 minutes away. My parents both worked during the week, and my Dad was going back to school, but every Sunday afternoon, without fail, we went over. Dad would take his Mom, who didn't drive, shopping, and help her with her bills. He would fix little things around the house that needed it, and we would sit in her big living room and I learned about honoring through listening. She would tell stories of her youth, and we would listen. She would tell of a recipe, and we would listen. (OH, how I wish I had written that stuff down now!) She and Dad would walk the roads of her memories that she wanted to re-live, and then we would all enjoy a big dinner. (She *could* cook.) It was what we did, every Sunday afternoon, for years. It was honoring.
I also learned about honoring parents when I met and married my husband Charles, and saw him with his Mom, Ruth. Ruth lived with us for the first few years of our marriage. Charles had been the child of her older years, he was the baby- the darling of her eyes, and as old age made her feeble, he was the one who cared for her. Ruth was feisty and funny, and sometimes had a temper (she was Irish-American after all) and her son adored her. She would come in to tell him a bit she had learned on the History channel, and he always paused what he was doing to listen. Treats were always picked up at the store for her, jokes always thought up that she might enjoy. He honored her.
In this culture where honor is becoming outdated, where things have more value than people, who are you honoring? Who do you give your time to? You should honor God first and foremost, and your spouse who you are building a life with, if you have one. But make time to honor your parents, and all of your elder relatives. They still have stories to tell, wisdom to give, jokes to crack, and love in abundance. They should not be an afterthought, or a passing interest. God holds their place and value in the order of things quite highly (after all, He repeats over and over and over again- Honor your parents, and take care of the elderly)...and if He thinks it is so important, shouldn't it be important to you as well?
Bible Verses About Honoring Your Parents:
Exodus 20:12 --Honor your Father and Mother (The one in the 10 Commandments)
Ephesians 6:1 - 3; “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise, so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth”
Those who honor their parents are blessed (Jeremiah 35:18-19). Contrasting, those with a “depraved mind” and those who exhibit ungodliness in the last days are characterized by disobedience to parents (Romans 1:30; 2 Timothy 3:2).
Solomon, known for his wisdom, urged children to respect their parents (Proverbs 1:8; 13:1; 30:17). Although we may no longer be directly under their authority, we cannot outgrow God’s command to honor our parents.
Jesus, God the Son, submitted Himself to both His earthly parents (Luke 2:51) and His heavenly Father (Matthew 26:39). If we follow Christ's example as we are supposed to do, we should treat our parents the way we would reverentially approach our heavenly Father (Hebrews 12:9; Malachi 1:6).
Mark 7:6 is where Jesus calls the Pharisees for the hypocrisy of saying they honored their parents, but bending God's law so that they didn't really have to. God wants us to honor our parents with our words *and* our actions.
“Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord” (Colossians 3:20).
With thanks to the blogs found at the following links where I was able to get some fodder for thought:
http://www.cgg.org/index.cfm/fuseaction/Library.sr/CT/RA/k/164/A-Matter-of-Honor.htm
http://www.gotquestions.org/honor-father-mother.html
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