"I'm Offended!"....The new magic phrase

"I'm Offended!"....The new magic phrase

The conversation starts (pick a topic, any topic)....and one person decides that they don't like the topic, or who they are talking with, or have become uncomfortable trying to support their position on the issue at hand. So they say, in their most shocked yet haughty tone, "I'm offended!"

And the conversation stops, leaving the other party (who very well didn't do or say anything worth being offended over) feeling vaguely guilty, as if they had committed some heinous crime.

Because society tells us we must not offend anyone, at any cost, anywhere. If you do, it is your fault for causing real or perceived injury to someone else's worldview.

Which is total and utter nonsense.

I'm all for civil discourse and friendly debate; I tend to stay away from most arguments (not good for physical, mental or emotional health) and I pretty much stop paying any attention to someone who resorts to name calling and belittling the moment that the verbal vomit begins. But good conversation, thoughtful debate, vigorous discussion and defense are good for people to engage in. It helps stretch the mind, open us up to new ideas, and shows us just how strongly we hold, or believe in, a position.

Good friends should be able to discuss, in a respectful manner, a whole range of topics that they may or may not agree upon, and both come apart the richer for shared knowledge and ideas.

We're shying away from that in our "new and improved" technological society. We post to each other more than we talk to one another, and it feels very safe to say whatever one wants from behind a keyboard. And if you don't like what the other person says, just pull out that trusty trump card, "I'm offended."

I've had that said to me a few times of late, today being the most recent. Someone didn't like my position that a community has to work within itself, with outside help, to turn around, the change cannot be all from the surrounding region. I got called a name or two, and then those most dreaded words, "And you know what? I am OFFENDED (it was all in caps, in case I couldn't understand...or maybe they're just concerned for my eyesight?) that you think that!!"

And my response was, "I don't care."

A moment later, "You don't care you offended me?"

"No."

"Why the h$ll not? What's wrong with you?"

"I didn't say anything to personally attack you, your faith, your family or attempt to make you live by the rules I set for myself, therefore I have done nothing offensive to you other than not agree with you."

That ended the conversation.

Because often, when the magic phrase of "I'm offended" doesn't work, the person waving it around is left without adequate reasoning to defend their position.

I'm not that easy to offend, which is probably why I have friends of multiple faiths, differing political opinions, vastly different cultures and heritages and I get along, for the most part, quite well with the majority of them. And when I do get offended, usually it is of the mild variety that just makes me sigh, purse my lips and count to ten before simply moving on.

If you are a jerk, and go around trying to hurt people's feelings, by attacking them on issues you know are dear to their heart, then someone has just cause to say you are offensive. That doesn't mean you don't have the right to continue being a jerk, but they then have the right not to deal with you any further. Which is why so many offensive people are rather lonely, sooner or later people stop giving them the attention they desire. It's very understandable to tell a jerk you are offended, but that is just giving them the fight they were looking for in the first place.

But if someone just says or posts something that isn't quite to your liking, so you try and automatically shut them down by calling out "Offended, offended!"....you're just being petty.

If something truly offends you, especially on social media, I have a couple of quick tips:

a) If you really like the person and you want to understand their position, and share yours, then have a respectful, civil conversation about the topic. It can work wonders. You may not end up in agreement, but if handled the right way, most of the time you'll both come away knowing more about each other and having a more open mind to the issues.

b) If you really like the person, but don't want to argue, for fear of a greater divide (which is when you are realizing the person is more important to you than the issue)...then keep scrolling. I see a lot of posts I disagree with (not many that I'm offended by, but do disagree with)...but I don't want to cause ripples over a minor issue with a person I value. So I keep scrolling. This works WONDERS for me during political seasons.

c) Hide the post. I do this with posts from pages that friends share, that often put up half truths and inflammatory rhetoric...I just click "Hide all from "insert name of page". For individual posts I find distasteful, I simply hide those as well.

d) If the person continues in offending you, being really negative, attacking your positions or whatever....unfriend them. If we know someone is constantly stirring up drama, only then to shout about how unfair you are being because you don't agree with them...then shut the door on the drama.

I try and be relatively sensitive about what I post, because I know so many people hold certain causes and stances as sacred. I don't like being unnecessarily divisive....one reason I don't post political views. I don't relish conflict, so I start out trying not to cause it.....that said, if you don't like what I post, or what my faith is, or what issues are dear to my family and I....don't start out by telling me you're offended. It won't win you any points.

Are there things worth being offended over?

Yes.

When someone attacks your family, faith, the things they know you hold sacred. That is offensive and juvenile behavior...but to me, there are bigger things to be truly offended over.

Starving children, people sold into slavery, massacres of people over matters of faith or race. Things like that....that's what offends my soul the most.

The sophomoric cartoon someone put up on facebook? Not even in the same realm as those atrocities.

Someone having a differing political or social viewpoint? Can't compare with people being beheaded or the fact someone dies every three seconds due to a poverty related cause.

I guess, to me, it's all about perspective.

But don't worry, I'm not offended if you don't agree.